|happy anniversary darling
This time last year I was pregnant, the reality of what's to come excited us more than it scared us, and I would sit up in bed, my head against the pillows propped up behind my neck with your ear against my stomach asking myself, will I ever be happier than this in my life? I told myself that's the happiest I had ever been and ever will be, that I couldn't imagine anything being better, and I sit up in bed now, a year later, wrong in my declaration because we lived through the impossible, it happened, I am happier now than I have ever been and it keeps coming as this cycle that feels never ending, though I know in my cynical brain that it's not true to life, that everything has to end, but sometimes, with you, I have to wonder if that's true. Vincent is happy and Rocky is happy and I hope with everything inside of me that you are happy, too. I feel mesmerized by you, just by looking at you, every single day of my life. I don't know how to not wake up without seeing your face or your sleep stained skin against the pillow. Sometimes I love you doesn't sum it up properly because compared to how I feel for you, it feels so insignificant and small, but the truth is, I do love you, I love so much about you; the way your forehead creases between your eyebrows or when you pause between words and suck your top lip in, or the way your eyes catch the natural light and they turn this gorgeous shade of green. You may never fully understand what you mean to me, but if you let me, I'd like to keep you for the rest of our lives.