pre-valentine's day 02∙14∙2017
After all of the teasing and playful digs made about the extra leg room, the quiet and less noise in the house with him gone, that evening she felt a hovering of sadness and longing that coated her arms and legs, her shoulders and down her back when she began to settle into bed without him. It was foreign to be able to curl up without feeling the warmth of his thigh or his back for her to hook her arm around and bury her head into the soft skin on his neck. She had transformed into the woman she never expected to be, reliant on her boyfriend for anchoring and a calm voice, she never really thought she wouldn't be okay without him and here she was, after nearly six months without a night spent apart in Australia, adding all of those months onto him rarely leaving her side save for some small campaigning for Bernie she couldn't attend to with him, there she was still on her respective side of the bed, not even sprawled out.

She laid the same, her knees up to her chest, arm underneath the pillow, eyes looking forward, straining as if she would focus hard enough and he would be laying there with her suddenly. If she hadn't been so jet-lagged this would have scared her a bit, or maybe she would have laughed it off because it wasn't that hard to not be shocked by this behavior; if you spend so much time with a person, habits develop, an attachment, and after three years she was bound to him by his scent and the soft lines of his body in the night. She contemplated facetiming him a third time, but sleep ended up taking her away with her phone resting on her chest, eventually falling over and onto her side where she would later turn over and squish it with her chest in her sleep. Without him she rocked violently, limbs moving involuntarily. She slept terribly while simultaneously getting more sleep than she had in a few weeks. It was a strange feeling when she woke up early to feed Rocco, contemplating taking him into bed with her when she was done, but he was still so young and she knew her body wanted to try and drift away for a bit away, her and Ezra would never, ever risk the safety of their son, so she put him back into his crib while he cried for a bit, noises that made Rose stressed out. He wanted to be out and playing and on the move when all Rose wanted was to go into bed and close her eyes for another hour, maybe two hours if she could manage it; she knew that was a stretch and a pipe dream at that, but she tried anyway, delirious with crumbs all over her from Rocco who decided that he wanted his mom to wear some of his food as her precursor to Valentine's day.

She was in no mood to shower, no mood to fix herself up. She had all of these intricate ideas on how she wanted to force herself away, ready and showered for when he came home. She told him she didn't think she would be able to pick him up from the airport, a claim that she wanted to disprove and show up for as a surprise. It didn't happen, much to her displeasure. With Rocco's sad pleas to be taken out of his crib, she fell back to sleep. She would have felt like a horrible mother if she knew her son was in pain or needed her, but she knew the severity of his cries, developing a system within the ear canal that helped her and her boyfriend decode what it was he wanted, if he was simply being fussy or if he was actually in need of something, a changing or he was spitting up onto himself. Going from this system to how they were within the first few months was a tremendous change, maybe not the best system, but it felt foolproof to them, it worked. Besides, Rose knew that Rocco had a clean diaper and he had just eaten, nothing could get in his way.

Time escaped her, she had been in their bed for about two and a half hours now, the covers pulled up over her shoulders with her face against the side of the pillow. She heard nothing, no footsteps, no little beeping sound that echoed and came whenever someone entered through the garage, she was beyond spent, there was no shaking or rattling her away. The first thing she remembered was feeling Rocco's hands trying to touch her face. Immediately she came out of her daze with a gasp that was soon settled when her eyes registered Ezra and she felt all of her inner defenses shutting down, wrapped up in pure bliss that he was here and that this wasn't some dream or a break and entering. Sighing loudly, she shook her head, "You scared the..." she stopped herself, trying to keep it clean for Rocco who had this ridiculous little headband on, her mouth splitting when she noticed Ezra had one on too. "What is this," her voice was soft, dreamy.

A morning breath comment ceased, she kissed him back without question, her body immediately wanting more, but their son prohibited her from pushing her fingertips into his shoulders to have him plunge down and into her. "Look at this, look at my boys, we're only missing one valentine!" She couldn't stop smiling, her answer was clear. "Don't be stupid, of course I want you two as my valentines. Mostly this one." Her teeth pulled at some dry skin against her lip when she looked at Ezra, wiggling her eyebrows upon making a comment even he was surprised to see. "I'm so happy you're here," she let out. Her eyes dropped to Rocco and then she looked back at him. "Put him in his crib for a few minutes?" She asked in the form of a question because she wasn't sure if he wanted to spend time with the both of them before she and he, well, you know how it goes with the two of them.